Voices in my head - persistence and proliferation

The creative process is a tough one. An artist's work is never done. And, knowing that I'm going to send my baby out to be judged always leaves room for doubt about whether or not it's good enough. But, I've found that identifying and naming that internal critic is necessary. So, I'd like to introduce my inner critic: Smith

Smith: A creative genius... and a bit of a dick

Who is Smith?

Smith is my inner critic. It tells me that if I put my work out there I'm going to end up like Carrie on prom night and finally develop my telekinetic powers! (No, but really, I will)

Smith is the Yang to my open and creative Yin. It's my inner editor, my dark side, my frustration and anger and intellect honed into a sword wielding wicked warrior. It preaches restraint and pragmatism and punishes idealism and day dreaming. It's the part of me that loves cats because they're fickle fluff monsters of love.

In the movie of my life Smith will be played by Crispin Glover.

Yes, having an inner critic is useful. It's what pushes me to edit and kill my darlings when I've become to precious about my work. It makes me stronger and better. It tells me I need to check my work and be realistic about my expectations. But, sometimes Smith tries to hold me back. And that's when it becomes a problem.

What does Smith says that's helpful?

• That sentence is too long.
• Is there another way of saying that?
• Read that out loud and see how it sounds.
• Ask a friend or colleague for advice.
• Do your research before you send your manuscript to an agent.
• Double check that email.

What Smith says that's not helpful?

• It will never be good enough?
• You're just not talented.
• You'll never be as good as him or her.
• What's the point, you're just going to get rejected.
• You're wasting your time
• They're only saying it's good because they're your friend
• That negative feedback is the only feedback that matters
• Check WebMD again. It's probably cancer.

How to combat it?

1. Name your fear. Tell it to do one.
2. Tell yourself, it's not for everyone, but it will be right for someone. And, it's good enough for you!
3. Listen to Baz Luhrmann's 'Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen' over and over again while exercising or playing violent video games.
4. Be realistic - you will get rejections. Honour that disappointment. Get up and find someone who will appreciate it.
5. Talk to friends. Don't try to impress nay-sayers. Make the people who already support you proud.
6. Be humble - when you do get good advice, process it. If you can incorporate changes, try. If not, just do you.
7. Keep creating

Why it's important to name your critic?

Naming your inner critic is useful because their influence is sometimes the echo of other people's opinions. You would never let someone else talk to you the way you do to yourself. So, thinking of that critic as someone outside of you helps when you need to tell it to shut up!

Being a sensitive creative type you absorb so much of what other people think. Yes, you need to judge your own work critically. And, it's always helpful to have other people's opinion -  the whet stone upon which we sharpen our craft. However, fear and doubt is not helpful.

It's fear of what other people will think. Fear that your work isn't good enough. Fear you'll be embarrassed. And that nasty little critic is repeating every mean thing you're afraid people will say. Hear it. Dismiss it. You're a creative hero just for putting it out there.

Why has Smith reared its wicked head?

This week I finished the fifth (final?) draft of my novel. I'm going to have a friend proof read it. Then, as far as I can tell, it's done. It's the best I can do. Yes, if I were to leave it for another year and come back to it there would be something that I'd change. But, I could continue putting off sending it to agents until the end of time.

Time to be bold.

I'm terrified because I'm literally about to be judged. Some editor or agent is going to read my work and say either yeah this is good or 'no thanks'.

It's hard to hear 'no thanks' and not take it as 'YOU'RE TERRIBLE!'. But, it mostly is just 'not for me'.

I don't know what the outcome will be. But, I will definitely keep trying and keep creating and keep doing what I do because I love it. And, if Smith gets too loud, I'm allowed to take a break and do something that will rebuild my resilience (things like drawing creepy creatures from my head). Persistence and proliferation have always been my motto. And, Smith has a lot to do with both of those things.

Keep creating. Keep going. And when Smith gets a bit mouthy, I'll just tell it to keep quiet.


Hope you enjoy!
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